Archive for Empowerment

23 May 2013

Isolation

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation, Relationships

isolatedcatNobody but nobody gets by on this earth on their own. -Maya Angelou

What assumptions are you making about life that includes the thought or feeling that you must do it alone? What about the thought or feeling that you have tried to connect but there just isn’t anyone out there for you. Are you feeling like a reject? Like you can’t fit in? That you are just doing it wrong?

Those thoughts and feelings are fear based. When you have them you have an opportunity to stop the soundtrack of unworthiness that is keeping you stuck and unfulfilled.

One of the best ways to do this is to talk it out. Everyone needs someone that they can air all of this out with. Happy people have this quality in common – relationships. Happy people have a sense of connection and belonging that makes all the rest of the crap of life worthwhile.

If you do not have your go to people, then what do you have? How do you process all that STUFF that goes on in your head? How do you possible get perspective on it all?

Isolation is one of the deepest, most painful expressions of unworthiness. Unless you are really, really good at meditating and visit ashrams often, I urge you to think about who you get by with on this earth. If you feel you are coming up short, here are 3 tips to get you out there and finding your people.

1) Hire me! I coach many people who experience isolation. Working with me works because I assist you in gaining perspective. When you have perspective you can work on shifting yourself into thoughts, feelings and patterns that will get you moving in your desired direction. You will get better results quicker with me than you will on your own. I guarantee that.

2) It is painful to do, but work on becoming a “joiner” The only way to get more of the good stuff is to get out there and join.  A trait common in people who feel isolated is that they do not like to get involved in organizations.  Lack of worth keeps them stuck at home. Thoughts like “what do I have to offer anyone”, keep them from walking dogs at the SPCA, or take a pottery class.  If you are isolated and don’t have your people, you are going to have to commit to getting out and meeting them.

3) Don’t expect to meet your new best friend every time you muster up the courage to get out and do something. Don’t let the results of your first few steps outside of your comfort zone change the truth. Everyone needs to find a place in the world where they feel that they belong. If you are not getting it from your work, or family, then you must go and find that space for yourself. It never ceases to amaze me when clients face the fear of putting themselves out there and the uncomfortable feeling of getting to know people, how much better they start feeling about themselves. Feel better, do better, be more happy. Nobody gets by on this earth on their own. What is keeping you stuck in the belief that you have to?

15 May 2013

Change is a Process, Not an Event

No Comments Be More, Decision Making, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation

changeA classic trap of fear is to innately believe that you are fundamentally flawed and won’t ever get “there.” There are things we long for like, “to be comfortable in my own skin” or “that I will like myself” or that “I won’t be lonely anymore.” Thoughts like this damage your ability to continue on your path with the conviction that is required to actually make changes in your life.

Drop the lie that you can ever really “arrive.” Anything worth having in life requires conviction, work, and then maintenance. When you embrace that life is a process you are  then better able to help yourself shift to the mindset of adjusting and carrying on when things get tough. When you drop the belief that you are innately flawed you are allowed to take responsibility for yourself. There isn’t some big hidden mystery of why you are so screwed up! You are believing a fear based lie that keeps you stuck. Stop the trigger that leads to erosion of your sense of worth that is vital to make the lasting changes that you seek. Embrace the process, I guarantee you that you will like the results.

04 May 2013

Intention + Conviction = Results

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Decision Making, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching

If you want something claim it in your gut.

Claim it with conviction – the unwavering knowing that you are on the right course. Conviction is what allows you to stay true to your path, it is the inner knowing that hard work will pay off. If, at first, the results are not obvious, conviction is the tool that you can use to keep yourself going. Most of life is doing the working part in order to arrive at the getting results part. In our immediate gratification world we are trained to believe that instantaneous is better. In real life when that doesn’t happen, many of us get trapped in fears and doubts that end up knocking us off the path.   With conviction you can decide to commit to the most important parts of your dream or goal. Having clarity on your intention helps you stick to it. Intention with conviction is unstoppable.

What can you do today to claim something you want with intention and conviction?

01 May 2013

Love Your Mammies!

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Live your best Life, Love, Relationships

I am now old enough that I get mammograms as a part of my medical health coverage.  40 is the magic number. I have arrived! I get to go have my boobs squished!

Where I live, British Columbia, Canada, the medical system provides screening for women at 40. It took me 4 months, and a kick in the pants from one of my heroes that announced online that she had found something in one of her boobs. Sharing the way she did inspired me to love myself more, and I picked up the phone and immediately booked the big day. I will admit it has been on my mind and I was a little hyped up walking into the appointment.

The appointment was so quick and easy! While it was happening, it made me think I should be doing more yoga and had me calculating how many boobs this amazingly efficient radiologist literally HANDLED every day. At the end of the 4 minutes, I said, “That was easy!” and she said, “Spread the word.” It reminded me that some women, probably many women, don’t consider it an act of self-love to go and get this annual check. They ignore it, avoid it, fear it, and forget it. Whatever their reason, they don’t do it and it is such a shame. Many women I coach have little concern for their mammies outside of practical health matters. “Boobs just aren’t my thing,” laments yet another client, “I never let anyone see them!”

Here is what I know. As a woman, you need to embrace the power of your boobs! The spirit of the woman is expressed in the breast. Think about any cultural expression of the woman, and the breast is the expression of the feminine. There is a reason for this – to be a woman is to connect to your breasts. Mother’s who choose to nurse get to experience a deep knowing of their breasts. For better or worse a nursing mom has a relationship with her boobs for a period of time. Whether she continues this relationship with herself and her boobs, I believe can say a lot about her love relationships. For many women, self consciousness gets in the way and thoughts about size, shape, and partner appeal all come up. When this happens in relationships where the other partner is someone who is not good at practicing love, it usually leads to a lack of self worth which manifests in disconnection in the relationship. One of the biggest sources of relationship meltdowns have issues relating to the bedroom. I coach women to among other things to take responsibility for their own sexuality. Remember, in order to really love yourself, you must also face your sexuality, and take responsibility in getting your own sexual needs met. If you are leaving the boobs out, maybe you are missing out.

Here is a fact that I like to share with clients who are having a hard time connecting in their sexual relationships. Find ways to increase oxytocin, or the love hormone. For women, one of the easiest ways to do this is through nipple stimulation. Seriously, I just wrote that! But it is true! You can use your mammies to make you feel better, more connected, and increase your love hormone, oxytocin.

For women, boobs could be one of your missing link to loving and feeling good.  Do some research and discover how you can make better friends with your breasts. Make a commitment to keep this vital part of yourself healthy and happy. Get to know yourself, and take care of all of you. If you are in love with your boobs, then good for you, what else do you need to love a little more? Self-love and self-care show up in the strangest of places, but while I was getting my boobs squished it was there.

Here is a great article to get the health facts related to making friends with you boobs in the bedroom: http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2009/11/11/oxytocin-this-ones-for-the-ladies/

01 Apr 2013

Choose Your Vices Wisely

No Comments Decision Making, Empowerment

Got a dirty little secret you would die if someone found out about?  Do you secretly love to do something that is considered wrong, bad, or weird?  Do you brag that you can’t start your day without a pot of coffee, or that you must go to spin class 5 days a week?  What is your vice?  What can you not live without?

When habits are considered good, like flossing your teeth, they are habits.  When they are considered bad, then they get called vices.  Vices are those things that we go to when we need a fix.  We get a temporary fix or relief from the sugar rush, or caffeine jolt.  We get a fix when we go for that cigarette, or pour that first glass of wine.  We normally feel relief when these vices are employed.  Even if it is temporary, vices provide us with a shift, or a pause from our norm.  We come to rely on the vice to help us shift because that is much easier than doing the mental work on our own.  When we rely on our vices we get out of practice at self-soothing, and become reliant on something external.

I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes the work is just too much. If a vice can support you in moving yourself to a different state or altering your mood, is it really something to be avoided?  If a piece of chocolate after lunch gives you the strength to carry on, what is the harm?

The actual harm comes from our judgement. We often judge our vices as a sign of weakness.  Don’t get me wrong, some vices are not healthy and are not the habits that we would be best inviting into our lives.  But many of our vices are simply little ways to give ourselves a pick me up.  If we learn to use vices as a tool to support us, we then get to choose to become attached to things that work for us.  Have you ever thought about choosing your vices?  We trick ourselves into thinking we can’t live without them.  But the truth is, like anything, you do have the power to choose your vices.

How to choose your vices well:

1) What are three things that you ‘could not live without’?  Might be your favourite shampoo, the perfect latte or a particular brand of socks.  Notice the things you can’t live without and then ask yourself why you love them.  It might be the smell that reminds you of summer, the caffeine rush, or the way they feel on your toes.  When you use those things, do you stop and notice the pleasure that they still give you.  A vice helps you shift, it alters.  If you are failing to notice and appreciate that shift, your vice isn’t a vice, but rather a habit.  Are you choosing or just blindly doing?  If you are going to indulge yourself, isn’t it better to appreciate it?

2) Ask if your vice is working for you.  Just like remembering to appreciate your indulgence, it is important to ask yourself if your vice is working towards what you want in your life.  If a pint of ice-crème straight out of the container is more than a monthly occurrence, ask how that indulgence is working with respect to your health and wellness goals?  If it is, great. If it’s not, what is going on that this is your ‘go to’ for comfort?  Can you work on finding comfort in a different way?  Decide to choose your vices.

3) Use your vice well.  If you have decided that the truth is red wine is your vice, then decide to use it well.  Remember using it well means purposefully giving yourself the indulgence, appreciating the shift that it can help you make, and being full in the knowing that you choose this and it does work well for you.

Empowered people know what they need to do for themselves in order to have the capacity to cope with the daily-ness of life.  People who are clear about the little ways they have found to live life with more ease are more successful.   If your vice is giving you a way to completely check out, then I would urge you to take a deeper look.  What are you trying to avoid?  Look at what your vices are giving you permission to do or believe about yourself.  Is that what success looks like to you?