Archive for Love

28 Jul 2013

Sobbing on Birthdays

No Comments Be More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Love, Relationships

birthday cakeSome people I know get really freaked out around the time of their birthday. They see the passage of time and relate it to how far they have come and put themselves on a scale to monitor and measure their success. I don’t really do that with my own birthdays, but I make up for it when it comes to my kids.

My girls happen to have birth dates that are two days apart. On Clara’s 5th birthday, her baby sister Ava came home from the hospital. Since then the second week of July has taken over as the week of birthdays in our house. This usually is accompanied by many, many, other children, adults, family members, and this year even animals descended upon my household. It is a sugar riot, accompanied usually by the first heat wave of the year. Ah yes, the week of birthdays is nearly as big as Christmas around here.

Amidst all of these festivities I usually find myself sinking into a sentimental sobbing mess. “Is this the time you would have been going to the hospital mom?” asks one of my daughters on the eve of the big day. “How many laps around the block did you do the day before I came?” and my favourite, “Mom would have been screaming for the epidural about now,” comments from my husband. All the charming moments are recounted and details unearthed.

Birthday’s become your story in a way. They mark the passing of time, and force people to reckon with just how far they have come. With my girls, I usually notice how big their feet have grown. This year I noticed how the birthday guest list has changed from my friends to their friends. How they are no longer babies, but individuals with personalities and budding roles that they will take on with them into their lives. Mostly birthday’s fill me with an absolute disbelief at how fast this is all going. I so vividly remember the sheer work and determination that it took to nurse my newborns and yet it is unbelievable how far we have moved away from that time. We have moved through the Elmo stage and are now at a time that seems almost as horrifying to face, having a full on 11 year old pre-teen!

So once a year I allow myself with as much grace as I can muster to have a time of sobbing for the passage of yet more birthdays. I use sentiment to remind me how much I have to be grateful for and get right into the reality of these two girls being those babies I brought home from the hospital. Their feet are so big, their hair is so thick, their laundry growing exponentially with them. The near terror I feel at the next birthday milestones we will meet is replaced with the knowing that there is no other way. Let the birthday’s pass and feel the surreal moments of moving in time. Living life on purpose is allowing the feelings that come up to be felt in order to really get to the depth of gratitude …I am grateful that we get to do all this “stuff” of life. Choosing to live on purpose may cause some sobbing from time to time, but it is worth it.”

01 May 2013

Love Your Mammies!

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Live your best Life, Love, Relationships

I am now old enough that I get mammograms as a part of my medical health coverage.  40 is the magic number. I have arrived! I get to go have my boobs squished!

Where I live, British Columbia, Canada, the medical system provides screening for women at 40. It took me 4 months, and a kick in the pants from one of my heroes that announced online that she had found something in one of her boobs. Sharing the way she did inspired me to love myself more, and I picked up the phone and immediately booked the big day. I will admit it has been on my mind and I was a little hyped up walking into the appointment.

The appointment was so quick and easy! While it was happening, it made me think I should be doing more yoga and had me calculating how many boobs this amazingly efficient radiologist literally HANDLED every day. At the end of the 4 minutes, I said, “That was easy!” and she said, “Spread the word.” It reminded me that some women, probably many women, don’t consider it an act of self-love to go and get this annual check. They ignore it, avoid it, fear it, and forget it. Whatever their reason, they don’t do it and it is such a shame. Many women I coach have little concern for their mammies outside of practical health matters. “Boobs just aren’t my thing,” laments yet another client, “I never let anyone see them!”

Here is what I know. As a woman, you need to embrace the power of your boobs! The spirit of the woman is expressed in the breast. Think about any cultural expression of the woman, and the breast is the expression of the feminine. There is a reason for this – to be a woman is to connect to your breasts. Mother’s who choose to nurse get to experience a deep knowing of their breasts. For better or worse a nursing mom has a relationship with her boobs for a period of time. Whether she continues this relationship with herself and her boobs, I believe can say a lot about her love relationships. For many women, self consciousness gets in the way and thoughts about size, shape, and partner appeal all come up. When this happens in relationships where the other partner is someone who is not good at practicing love, it usually leads to a lack of self worth which manifests in disconnection in the relationship. One of the biggest sources of relationship meltdowns have issues relating to the bedroom. I coach women to among other things to take responsibility for their own sexuality. Remember, in order to really love yourself, you must also face your sexuality, and take responsibility in getting your own sexual needs met. If you are leaving the boobs out, maybe you are missing out.

Here is a fact that I like to share with clients who are having a hard time connecting in their sexual relationships. Find ways to increase oxytocin, or the love hormone. For women, one of the easiest ways to do this is through nipple stimulation. Seriously, I just wrote that! But it is true! You can use your mammies to make you feel better, more connected, and increase your love hormone, oxytocin.

For women, boobs could be one of your missing link to loving and feeling good.  Do some research and discover how you can make better friends with your breasts. Make a commitment to keep this vital part of yourself healthy and happy. Get to know yourself, and take care of all of you. If you are in love with your boobs, then good for you, what else do you need to love a little more? Self-love and self-care show up in the strangest of places, but while I was getting my boobs squished it was there.

Here is a great article to get the health facts related to making friends with you boobs in the bedroom: http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2009/11/11/oxytocin-this-ones-for-the-ladies/

13 Feb 2013

Love is in the air!

No Comments Free Life Coaching Tips, Love

Happy Valentine’s Day! Everyone has love on the brain this week. Who are you loving this Valentine’s Day?

For many, V-Day is another holiday to wince and cringe at. No love life going on, therefore no loving going on. In my opinion this is one of the biggest traps of fear going.  As cliché as it may sound there is some very serious truth to that old adage “you got to love yourself first”. For those of you who struggle with this idea, here are some tips to get you thinking about love in a new way this February 14.

Love Yourself First Tips:

Let Go. Keep that voice in your head in check. Notice your internal dialogue and let negative thoughts go. Negative thoughts do not serve you. Notice them, and let them go. This is a life-long practice with love.

Offer it to yourself first. Practice small acts of love towards yourself everyday. Splurge on the avocado, make yourself a foot bath, snuggle with the cat.

Validate that you are loving. Notice the acts of love that you do perform every day. If they are hard to find, then I urge you to dig deeper into the tip above.

Enjoy the love of others. Notice when you are with people that seem to love easily. Spend more time with these people. Allow them to demonstrate to you the small ways that they are being loving. Model these things for yourself.

Love starts & ends with you. It is a circle that never ends. If you are stuck and feeling no love this Valentine’s Day, please take action with some of these tips. You are SO worth loving.

09 May 2012

Knowing when to say good-bye

No Comments Decision Making, Fearless Living, Free Life Coaching Tips, Love

Follow Your HeartA client of mine who is single and dating recently took a big step and broke off a relationship that on the surface looked all good. She had a nagging feeling that things just were not right – something felt off. She used this three step process to decide whether it was her true self making her feel this way, or her inner voice of fear trying to influence her decision.

Use this three step process to help you check in with your boundaries and get clear about when to say, enough is enough.

Step One:
How do I feel when I am with this person?

If words like free, myself, happy, natural, come up, then you are on the right track. If instead you feel on edge, responsible, uneasy, tense, or on guard pay attention to this. If you can honestly say that your thoughts & feelings are definitely more from the second list, be willing to look at this closer. Be willing to notice these feelings without reacting to them. This means you don’t have to immediately act on them. Instead you get to choose to reflect on them, and then decide how you want to act. Taking the time to pay attention to how you feel when around another person is an essential step in creating intimacy.

Quiet Reflection: 

Ask yourself what is my intuition telling me to do? Intuition is that quiet knowing voice.  The voice that snaps answers at you or tells you that you are stupid, weak, crazy, or too sensitive is not your quiet knowing voice – that is your voice of fear. Your true voice gives you gentle nudges. Take the time to stop and quietly reflect, what is my intuition telling me?

Step Two:
Know what you are committed to.

What kind people do you actively want to bring into your life? Create your own personal list of attributes that you seek in others. Know and be clear about what you actually stand for. If you have been doing the work that comes with my blog, your sense of what your most important priorities are, are becoming clearer to you. Use this good work you have been doing to help yourself really understand what you’re committed to. What is your intention? Ask yourself if you see this person supporting that with you.

Step Three:
Ask for what you want.

When you are clear on what you are looking for, your next step is to ask for support. The truth is that the really good stuff in life does require work. In fact, the work you put in is actually what makes it worthwhile. When you are able to ask for what you want, people are more able to support that. It eliminates the game playing, guessing, and expectations that get in the way of what could be potential relationships. Fear runs many relationships. Instead, be clear and ask for the support that you know you need. It will become clearer then whether this is a person that you want to continue seeing or if it is time for you to say good-bye. It takes courage to leave a budding relationship and strike out on your own again. Let your commitments to yourself be your guide. Your commitment to yourself is always the right path.