14 Jun 2013

Trust Your Instincts

No Comments Building Confidence, Decision Making, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching

My amazing coach mentor, Marta Weiskopf, taught me how to trust my instincts. “Notice when you get it right. Notice when you get it wrong. Work on understanding that difference.”

You can only really get in touch with your intuition when you get to know the difference between what a real intuitive nudge feels like compared to a fear response. The simple way to work on this is by taking the time to notice. When do you get it right and when do you get it wrong?

I just had one of those huge gut instinct moments. I have a window at my desk looking out into my yard and the neighbors yard beyond. I was working away when all of a sudden a young man appeared from the back of my neighbors yard and marched on through. The fact that he was carrying a chainsaw caught my attention. I thought, “that is weird.” I hesitated, then got up. I walked to my front room – watched as he walked across the street and straight into the back yard of the house across the street. I stood at the window. I was about to shrug and turn away, but I hesitated. I waited. He didn’t come back around the front of the house. I waited longer. I started to get worried. The neighbor across the street is a senior and lives by herself. I waited even longer. I started to debate about what should I do. I saw her front window shake, hard.

I called 911. I decided it was better to be wrong. I tried to be cool on the phone but really I was apologetic, “I saw this thing, and it was weird, and I am not sure, but the lady there lives alone, and I am worried, and…I just have a feeling that I need to call.  It is probably nothing, but I thought I should call…”

By the time the police arrived he was long gone. Her three jewellery boxes, and lap top were gone with him. The good news is I was outside with the police when she got home so I was able to tell her what was going on. Better that then her coming home alone to a kicked in door. Still, I felt terrible that I wasn’t more forceful on the phone. I felt terrible that I basically stood at my window and watched it happen. It took the police 20 minutes to arrive. What if I would have been more clear with 911, what if I would have trusted my gut feeling more? Would they have got here quicker? Would it have made a difference to the dog they brought over to try and catch the scent? What if I had acted on my instincts rather than hesitating?

In this case my instincts were right. I acted, but I also hesitated. When I was dialing 911, I heard my gut very clearly say CALL, DO IT. When I got on the line I was clear but also hesitant. The chatter in my head was loud: “What if am wrong and he was supposed to be back there cutting her tree?” , “Why else would a guy be walking around with a chainsaw?”, “What if you are wrong and the police swarm her house and scare her?”, “What if you end up looking like the nut case crazy neighbor?” Even though the “voice” was saying all of those things, the feeling in my gut was louder. DO IT.

The good news is, I have evidence that my intuition is on. Despite the obvious fact that there was a random guy wandering around the neighborhood with a chainsaw, I could have ignored it. I could have shrugged and turned back to my work. But I didn’t.  My intuition worked. I was right, something was up. The bad news is my fear of “bothering people” also kicked in. I think I actually apologized on the 911 call! It may have made a difference if I had said loud and clear on the call. A MAN WITH A CHAINSAW JUST WALKED INTO MY ELDERLY NEIGHBOR’S BACK YARD!

Could have, should have, would have. It may not have gotten them here any quicker, and I will never know. But I can still take this experience as a lesson on trusting my instincts more. I can use this experience and file it away as validation that my intuition is always with me. It was clear as a bell, but I fought it because I wanted an out in case I was wrong. My fears of looking stupid, being wrong, and looking like a nosey neighbor made me hesitate. But even when my voice of fear was yelling at me, my gut instinct was clear as a bell. “Call 911 now.”

Coach Yourself:

1) What are three memorable moments in your life when your gut told you something and it was right? What happened? Did you know it and act, or did you not listen? What did that experience teach you about your instincts?

2) If you feel like you can’t trust your instincts, work on listening to your intuition more.  Intuition is a gentle nudge – it is the quieter voice. It is steady and it is clear. If you are feeling “muddled” you may not be able to hear it. Allow yourself to get quiet. What is the constant nudge, the one that remains steady?

3) Be willing to notice when you get it wrong and embrace that. Sometimes it will be more clear that we have not listened to our gut. Give yourself credit for that. The fact is your intuition was there – you just didn’t act on it. Again, the thing to notice is that it was there. What did that feel like compared to what you decided to do? How could you recognize that same gut feeling next time? What are you willing to do for yourself next time?

23 May 2013

Isolation

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation, Relationships

isolatedcatNobody but nobody gets by on this earth on their own. -Maya Angelou

What assumptions are you making about life that includes the thought or feeling that you must do it alone? What about the thought or feeling that you have tried to connect but there just isn’t anyone out there for you. Are you feeling like a reject? Like you can’t fit in? That you are just doing it wrong?

Those thoughts and feelings are fear based. When you have them you have an opportunity to stop the soundtrack of unworthiness that is keeping you stuck and unfulfilled.

One of the best ways to do this is to talk it out. Everyone needs someone that they can air all of this out with. Happy people have this quality in common – relationships. Happy people have a sense of connection and belonging that makes all the rest of the crap of life worthwhile.

If you do not have your go to people, then what do you have? How do you process all that STUFF that goes on in your head? How do you possible get perspective on it all?

Isolation is one of the deepest, most painful expressions of unworthiness. Unless you are really, really good at meditating and visit ashrams often, I urge you to think about who you get by with on this earth. If you feel you are coming up short, here are 3 tips to get you out there and finding your people.

1) Hire me! I coach many people who experience isolation. Working with me works because I assist you in gaining perspective. When you have perspective you can work on shifting yourself into thoughts, feelings and patterns that will get you moving in your desired direction. You will get better results quicker with me than you will on your own. I guarantee that.

2) It is painful to do, but work on becoming a “joiner” The only way to get more of the good stuff is to get out there and join.  A trait common in people who feel isolated is that they do not like to get involved in organizations.  Lack of worth keeps them stuck at home. Thoughts like “what do I have to offer anyone”, keep them from walking dogs at the SPCA, or take a pottery class.  If you are isolated and don’t have your people, you are going to have to commit to getting out and meeting them.

3) Don’t expect to meet your new best friend every time you muster up the courage to get out and do something. Don’t let the results of your first few steps outside of your comfort zone change the truth. Everyone needs to find a place in the world where they feel that they belong. If you are not getting it from your work, or family, then you must go and find that space for yourself. It never ceases to amaze me when clients face the fear of putting themselves out there and the uncomfortable feeling of getting to know people, how much better they start feeling about themselves. Feel better, do better, be more happy. Nobody gets by on this earth on their own. What is keeping you stuck in the belief that you have to?

15 May 2013

Change is a Process, Not an Event

No Comments Be More, Decision Making, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation

changeA classic trap of fear is to innately believe that you are fundamentally flawed and won’t ever get “there.” There are things we long for like, “to be comfortable in my own skin” or “that I will like myself” or that “I won’t be lonely anymore.” Thoughts like this damage your ability to continue on your path with the conviction that is required to actually make changes in your life.

Drop the lie that you can ever really “arrive.” Anything worth having in life requires conviction, work, and then maintenance. When you embrace that life is a process you are  then better able to help yourself shift to the mindset of adjusting and carrying on when things get tough. When you drop the belief that you are innately flawed you are allowed to take responsibility for yourself. There isn’t some big hidden mystery of why you are so screwed up! You are believing a fear based lie that keeps you stuck. Stop the trigger that leads to erosion of your sense of worth that is vital to make the lasting changes that you seek. Embrace the process, I guarantee you that you will like the results.

04 May 2013

Intention + Conviction = Results

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Decision Making, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching

If you want something claim it in your gut.

Claim it with conviction – the unwavering knowing that you are on the right course. Conviction is what allows you to stay true to your path, it is the inner knowing that hard work will pay off. If, at first, the results are not obvious, conviction is the tool that you can use to keep yourself going. Most of life is doing the working part in order to arrive at the getting results part. In our immediate gratification world we are trained to believe that instantaneous is better. In real life when that doesn’t happen, many of us get trapped in fears and doubts that end up knocking us off the path.   With conviction you can decide to commit to the most important parts of your dream or goal. Having clarity on your intention helps you stick to it. Intention with conviction is unstoppable.

What can you do today to claim something you want with intention and conviction?

01 May 2013

Love Your Mammies!

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Live your best Life, Love, Relationships

I am now old enough that I get mammograms as a part of my medical health coverage.  40 is the magic number. I have arrived! I get to go have my boobs squished!

Where I live, British Columbia, Canada, the medical system provides screening for women at 40. It took me 4 months, and a kick in the pants from one of my heroes that announced online that she had found something in one of her boobs. Sharing the way she did inspired me to love myself more, and I picked up the phone and immediately booked the big day. I will admit it has been on my mind and I was a little hyped up walking into the appointment.

The appointment was so quick and easy! While it was happening, it made me think I should be doing more yoga and had me calculating how many boobs this amazingly efficient radiologist literally HANDLED every day. At the end of the 4 minutes, I said, “That was easy!” and she said, “Spread the word.” It reminded me that some women, probably many women, don’t consider it an act of self-love to go and get this annual check. They ignore it, avoid it, fear it, and forget it. Whatever their reason, they don’t do it and it is such a shame. Many women I coach have little concern for their mammies outside of practical health matters. “Boobs just aren’t my thing,” laments yet another client, “I never let anyone see them!”

Here is what I know. As a woman, you need to embrace the power of your boobs! The spirit of the woman is expressed in the breast. Think about any cultural expression of the woman, and the breast is the expression of the feminine. There is a reason for this – to be a woman is to connect to your breasts. Mother’s who choose to nurse get to experience a deep knowing of their breasts. For better or worse a nursing mom has a relationship with her boobs for a period of time. Whether she continues this relationship with herself and her boobs, I believe can say a lot about her love relationships. For many women, self consciousness gets in the way and thoughts about size, shape, and partner appeal all come up. When this happens in relationships where the other partner is someone who is not good at practicing love, it usually leads to a lack of self worth which manifests in disconnection in the relationship. One of the biggest sources of relationship meltdowns have issues relating to the bedroom. I coach women to among other things to take responsibility for their own sexuality. Remember, in order to really love yourself, you must also face your sexuality, and take responsibility in getting your own sexual needs met. If you are leaving the boobs out, maybe you are missing out.

Here is a fact that I like to share with clients who are having a hard time connecting in their sexual relationships. Find ways to increase oxytocin, or the love hormone. For women, one of the easiest ways to do this is through nipple stimulation. Seriously, I just wrote that! But it is true! You can use your mammies to make you feel better, more connected, and increase your love hormone, oxytocin.

For women, boobs could be one of your missing link to loving and feeling good.  Do some research and discover how you can make better friends with your breasts. Make a commitment to keep this vital part of yourself healthy and happy. Get to know yourself, and take care of all of you. If you are in love with your boobs, then good for you, what else do you need to love a little more? Self-love and self-care show up in the strangest of places, but while I was getting my boobs squished it was there.

Here is a great article to get the health facts related to making friends with you boobs in the bedroom: http://scientopia.org/blogs/scicurious/2009/11/11/oxytocin-this-ones-for-the-ladies/