Use this three step process to help you check in with your boundaries and get clear about when to say, enough is enough.

Step One:
How do I feel when I am with this person?

If words like free, myself, happy, natural, come up, then you are on the right track. If instead you feel on edge, responsible, uneasy, tense, or on guard pay attention to this. If you can honestly say that your thoughts & feelings are definitely more from the second list, be willing to look at this closer. Be willing to notice these feelings without reacting to them. This means you don’t have to immediately act on them. Instead you get to choose to reflect on them, and then decide how you want to act. Taking the time to pay attention to how you feel when around another person is an essential step in creating intimacy.

Quiet Reflection: 

Ask yourself what is my intuition telling me to do? Intuition is that quiet knowing voice.  The voice that snaps answers at you or tells you that you are stupid, weak, crazy, or too sensitive is not your quiet knowing voice – that is your voice of fear. Your true voice gives you gentle nudges. Take the time to stop and quietly reflect, what is my intuition telling me?

Step Two:
Know what you are committed to.

What kind people do you actively want to bring into your life? Create your own personal list of attributes that you seek in others. Know and be clear about what you actually stand for. If you have been doing the work that comes with my blog, your sense of what your most important priorities are, are becoming clearer to you. Use this good work you have been doing to help yourself really understand what you’re committed to. What is your intention? Ask yourself if you see this person supporting that with you.

Step Three:
Ask for what you want.

When you are clear on what you are looking for, your next step is to ask for support. The truth is that the really good stuff in life does require work. In fact, the work you put in is actually what makes it worthwhile. When you are able to ask for what you want, people are more able to support that. It eliminates the game playing, guessing, and expectations that get in the way of what could be potential relationships. Fear runs many relationships. Instead, be clear and ask for the support that you know you need. It will become clearer then whether this is a person that you want to continue seeing or if it is time for you to say good-bye. It takes courage to leave a budding relationship and strike out on your own again. Let your commitments to yourself be your guide. Your commitment to yourself is always the right path.  

When I think of kindness I urge myself to think of true kindness.  The caring, comforting, nurturing kindness we would treat a brand new baby with.  The type of kindness that uses intuitive hunches and works at looking at what the real underlying needs are.  Identifying the need and serving it.  That is what we do with newborns.  Can we apply that to ourselves?

Absolutely!  And we can use your goals list that you have been working with since January to get the momentum going again.

Think about your goals. Pick the top three that you really really really want to take care of.  Ask yourself, if I could reasonably do this in 60 days, would I feel really good?

For example, here are three typical goals:

• Loose 25 lbs
• Keep a clean house
• Go to the gym

First of all, did you pick something that you can reasonably do in the next 60 days?  Immediately that changes the first one from 25 lbs to 8lbs.  Keep a clean house works if you are already super tidy and clean.  If that is something that you struggle with, then you need to define that goal further.  Ask, I would be really happy if I could….  Have the laundry done by Sunday night or keep the kitchen counters dish free and clean, or the floor swept every night after dinner. Watch out for sweeping declarations like “Keep a Clean House”.  How will you know when you have done enough? Will it ever be enough?  Same with “Go to the gym”, how many times do you want to go to the gym?  What days?  2 days? 7 days?  Define what “Go to the Gym” means.  So here is the more appropriate goal list.

• Loose 8 lbs in the next 60 days.
• Keep the kitchen counters clean and clear, sweep the floor every night after dinner, laundry picked up and in hamper & done by Sunday night
• Go to gym 3 days a week for the next 4 weeks.

Now with respect to each of those things, ask yourself:

What would I have if I achieved this goal?

If I had that, how would I feel?

If I was feeling that way, what would I do?

If you are unable to really connect to the feeling that comes up from asking those questions, I dare say you are ill prepared to realize those goals.  That is the trap of unkind goal setting. Being unable to connect or feel what it is that you really want is a set up so that you continue to use punitive methods of self motivating.

Here is an example of how someone might talk their way through these goals using kindness as their operating system:

Loose 8 Pounds.  If I lost 8lbs I would have a feeling of satisfaction.  If I had that I would feel better about myself.  If I felt better about myself I would have more energy to loose even more weight.

Keep a clean house.  If I had a clean house I would feel more calm and sorted out.  If I had that, I would have more clarity.  If I was more clear I could accomplish more, and I would feel more at peace.

Go to the gym.  If I went to the gym 2 times this week I would feel like I accomplished something.  If I accomplished that, I would be over the hump and back in the gym.  I want to just keep getting myself back into the gym.  If I did that, I could be satisfied that I was making an effort.

If you look at the common themes of all of these answers, you can see that the feelings that are coming up are things like, satisfied, calm, clear, accomplished.  Those words evoke feelings.  When kindness is our operating system we can connect to what we really want to feel which become the basis for our intentions.

Thoughts are the basis of feelings. Feelings are really the foundation of our intentions.  If you work on kindly managing your thoughts, how you feel will naturally follow.  Where we naturally follow actually become our true intentions.

If you really want to continue creating your best year yet, I urge you to pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings and what your true intentional living pattern is.  When you are aware, you can notice when you shift off course into negative thoughts and feelings.  Choose then to kindly nudge yourself back to what you really want. Remind yourself: “what I really want is to feel satisfied, calm, clear and accomplished”, if I don’t go to the gym tonight, I won’t get to feel that.  I am going to be kind, and go get those good things for me.  I am going to the gym!

Kindness truly brings about the power to make our intentions real.

“Am I ever going to get pregnant?”
“When the house sells…”
“Am I going to get a call about that job I just applied for?”

The uncomfortable part of those kinds of life questions is the unknowing-ness that they bring with them. This fear of the unknown is uncomfortable and difficult to live with. The expression, “Patience is a Virtue” is famous because it rings true; waiting is hard to do!

Think about a waiting room. Have you ever had a great time in a waiting room? Trapped in the Doctor’s office that is running 40 minutes late, or anxiously waiting for the delayed flight to arrive so that you can get on your plane home to your family. Waiting rooms can be excruciating places to be.  This common frustration triggers fear of the unknown responses.  In these moments we are forced into the unknown zone because we lack control.  This temporarily dis-empower us. You are stuck. Your ability to take action becomes dependent on forces out of your control. For most people this is a very uncomfortable place to be at.  Fear of the unknown = lack of control.  No one likes that.

The key to conquering fear of the unknown is to notice that what you’re feeling is dis-empowered. In that moment of recognition, it is important to know that just because you are feeling dis-empowered doesn’t me you have to believe it. Feelings are just feelings.  They come and go.  Focus on the truth – you can always find ways to empower yourself.  Conquering the fear of the unknown is done by your willingness to empower yourself, even when you temporarily have no control over a situation. Here are some strategies for shifting the “pain” of waiting into something more empowering.

Tip #1 – Keep your eyes on the big picture
When waiting for important life events to come through, like a job offer, it helps to think about the big picture and use your power of visioning. Waiting during times of uncertainty can be a painful experience because you are deeply attached to the outcome. Detaching can be nearly impossible, and your mind will naturally start to play out scenarios that create anxiety. Conquer this trap of fear by shifting your focus to the big picture. Ask, yourself empowering questions like “where do I see myself a year from now?”, “what kind of life am I going to be living?”, “who do I want to be when I get there?”  If you can focus on the vision of your big picture, you will be better able to shut out the chatter associated with your dis-empowered feelings.

Tip #2 – Avoid the trap of details
You are not using your big picture skills when you become trapped in the details. These are things like obsessively checking emails for a response you are anxiously waiting for, or a reluctance to leave your house because you are waiting for a phone call. Notice if you only have one topic of conversation with your friends, and whether it relates to your unknown. Know that the details are important, but also use trust in yourself to allow you to carry on with other aspects of your life. We miss the gifts that come with being in the unknown zone when we get consumed by details. Dig deep and acknowledge the silver lining that often comes with waiting. Maybe it is time off, more alone time with your spouse, or a chance to catch up on some reading. If your silver lining is unclear, then go ahead and make one up! It can be equally as probable as the worst case scenario trap that happens when our fear of the unknown raises its ugly head.

Tip #3 – Make your “waiting” plan of action
Sitting in the Doctor’s office waiting becomes more palatable when you remember to bring a good book. If you know or have a hunch that there might be some “waiting” time in your future empower yourself  by making a waiting plan of action.  Do you set yourself up by assuming everything will run by a particular schedule? We all know that life happens, Doctors run late, babies come on their own schedule, and sometimes we have to wait weeks  to hear back from people. Empower yourself by deciding how you are going to wait it out. If you approach it like it is a pain in the butt, then that is exactly what you will get! Shift this by asking, if I am going to wait, how do I want to do it? Choose to let your empowered self win the battle of the unknown rather than helplessly allow fear to run the show. At the end of the day both paths lead you to the same place. I would rather work on empowering myself  rather then allow my fear of the unknown to control all of the “in the meantime…” space.

Having the ability to sit up on that fence is actually a positive trait because it means you do take the time to be reflective and really look at the pros and cons of decision. Where it shifts from an empowering act to a dis-empowering act is when you become comfortable sitting up there, and as a result fail to take action. This leads to a couple of negative things.  1^st, you end up walking around with the burden of a decision on you. This creates chatter in your head as you roll the pros and cons back and forth . This chatter inevitably leads to negative self talk or negative thinking which then impacts how you feel about the decision, and yourself. All of this distracts you from being present and happy in the moment.

How many decisions do you have that are undone in your life? They could be big decisions like deciding to have a baby, or smaller things like deciding to register for a course, or join a gym. These types of things weigh on you, whether it be subconsciously, in other words you don’t think about the decision, aka avoid it, or consciously, all you can do is think about it and carry it around with you all day.

Here are three strategies to get you down off the fence and making better proactive decisions:

1) Talk it out. Warning! This strategy needs to be applied with caution. Talking it out is the best way to gain clarity on both sides of the decision. When you are able to do this with someone who is invested in your potential, it is tremendously helpful. We’ve all had experiences in our lives where we were free to just talk.  When we allow ourselves to speak uncensored often times the right decision reveals itself. Talking it out with the wrong people in your life however, can be tremendously damaging to your decision making. Be sure to choose people who can listen impartially to you and not impose their own will upon your decision.

2) Manufacture a deadline. All of my clients know this is one of my favourite tools from my kit of living your best life strategies! When you have a decision to make and you do not really have a time frame to decide by, (ie having a baby, quitting smoking, joining a gym), MANUFACTURE a date for yourself and stick with it. For instance, if the decision is to put your house on the market, it would be easy to sit and wait and consider and weigh your options. When exactly is the best time to do this? You can manufacture a deadline in two ways. One is to say, “okay, by March 30 I am going to decide once or for all.” If you feel like you are actually ready to decide, then press yourself into getting the decision made. Decide on a date to decide by, and get busy!

You can also use this technique to work on giving yourself a break. This requires accepting that you are not actually ready to decide. “I am not going to think about putting the house on the market until March 30.” Doing this supports you in taking the pressure off that causes all the negative mind chatter. If you are really unable to decide, then decide proactively to not decide. Manufacture for yourself the deadline when you will revisit it, and then work on letting it go.

3) Allow potential regret to guide you. There is a quote by Lucille Ball that I love. “I would rather regret the things I have done, then regret the things I haven’t done.” When making big life decisions ask yourself what you think you might regret more. Doing or not doing? Most of us can connect to an experience where we did something that didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to, but we can still find the lesson or silver lining. To me, that is much more comforting then wondering how things might have been had I not let an opportunity pass. The key to this is to look at decisions as an opportunity. Does the opportunity really support the vision you have for yourself, or if it passed by, could it easily be replaced by another? If it could not be easily replaced, then get honest and ask yourself if you think you will regret it later. A great way to evaluate future regret is to ask yourself: “What would my 85 year old self think of this decision?”

Remember, the purpose of getting better at making decisions is so that you can move forward. Doing things ‘on purpose’ feels so much more fulfilling.  Being decisive creates greater excitement than sitting on the fence watching it all happen around you.

Warning:  The following is a Rant.

I am fired up.  Excuse me while I pull out and stand on my soap box for awhile.

At 9PM on Monday Night I clicked on a link that some of my FRIENDS were going nutso about.  I participated in the 27 minute experiment.  I got so fired up during those 30 odd minutes that I couldn’t sleep that night.  It wasn’t because I was horrified and having nightmares about the extremely disturbing images and tales of the most evil man on earth Joesph Kony.  It was because of the infinite power that captured me at the thought of over 750 Million connected people all coming together and identifying a problem that clearly must be stopped.  Imagine a world were one by one, we come together to collectively work on correcting such a seriously insane heinous situation.  The people of the planet all proclaiming at the same time….. NOT freaking cool!

The next day I got up inspired!  My one little job so that I could be a part of over 750 million voices was to tell my Friends to check out the film. And I did.  With gusto!  I sat and looked in inspired awe at the 2000 people from my own little community that had already signed up to participate on April 20.  They came together within 48 hours?  That is remarkable in this town!  Seriously that many people want to peacefully demonstrate?  Here?  In my home town?  You mean that actually a large majority of the people agree that this insanity should be dealt with now?

Wow, momentum feels good!  Wow, it is so cool to link in with like minded people.  Wow, that was an amazing film.

Within hours of this high, the naysayers started showing up.  Instantly the conversation became flooded with tons of banter about the organization that produced the film. They are not reputable.  It is a simplistic solution.  Their proposed means of capturing Kony IN 2012 are with the support of the corrupt military in Uganda.  That interference in Uganda might actually make things worse… Blah, blah, blah……

The basic counter message to the inspired hopefulness that was central to the message of the film.  YOU ARE STUPID FOR BELIEVING THAT THIS COULD WORK.  You could feel the shift.  Now the rhetoric floating around consists of… you people are so dumb for jumping on the band wagon, naive, uninformed, faux-activits, wannabes……

Here is what I have to say to that.  Yep, I am Jumping on the Band Wagon!  If you don’t want to join me up here, then just get out of the way.  If you think Kony2012 is crap, then go and figure it out in your own way.  But don’t call me stupid because I am idealist.  Don’t judge my level of activism.  Don’t deny my feeling of wanting to make a difference, but having no idea where to start.  Please, just go away.  Leave me, and the 100,000 of other people who want to believe that if we all start talking about it in a collective productive way maybe we can shift political will to be more representative of what the majority of people actually know is true justice.  Maybe if we all jump on some band wagon together we will begin to see our planet out of the conflict that it is in.

Wasn’t the point really to make this evil individual so famous that he can’t continue to be empowered by our collective apathy? To the naysayer critics of the Kony 2012 movement – go find your own solution.  Please stop trying to throw people off of this bandwagon.  Go and create your own.  When you have a better solution, let me know.  For now, I am sticking here and banging my drum.

Individuals in communities all over this country take action in their own way to move the planet forward.  I decided that I could  become involved in a simple way, and help to celebrate how people in my own community are finding unique ways to support our local and global interests.  People, contributing and sharing their -gifts, talents and skills- that is worth celebrating!  And hence, my involvement with Global Citizen Kelowna.

The truth is all of us are Global Citizens.  But are we good ones?  Do we even see ourselves as a Global Citizen?

Being a Global Citizen is a mind-set…if you choose it to be. I am willing to bet that most of you reading this are already good Global Citizens. Simply deciding to learn more about what people in our very own community are doing can demonstrate the power of Global Citizenship.  Here are some more ways you can think about how you are a Global Citizen, and some tips on how to become an even better one.

TIPS on Being More of a Global Citizen:

1) Know the UN Millennium Goals. Regardless of what actions you are taking, you can know these Goals and find ways to move them forward in your own part of the world.  Imagine if more of us knew these goals and talked about them with more ease?  What could be possible for us all then?

2) Allow the shock of things you’ve learned to move you to gratitude. I have travelled to countries like Thailand and Haiti where I have seen first-hand the horrors of not having the 8 Millennium Goals in place. It is not pretty, and my knee jerk reaction is to look away. Many many people do not wish to be informed because they want to avoid learning about the horror that comes with it.  Instead of going to the negative and thinking:

“oh these problems are way too big and complex for me”
“I couldn’t possibly go THERE and help”
or
“I can’t look at that stuff, it is way too heavy”

Move and shift your mind set to:

“I am so grateful to have all that I do have”
“I am so grateful that I turn a tap and clean water comes out”
“I am so grateful I live in a country where if my child is sick, I can get medical care”

We all have so many reasons to be grateful. Having a Global Citizen mind-set means having that “attitude of gratitude” and applying it to the most basic of all things like clean water, safe streets, primary education and so on. Being a better Global Citizen could start with something as seemingly small as stopping each day to remind yourself of the things you are grateful for.

3) Find one way to be of service. Consider the Millennium Development goals, and find one small way that you can be of service. Being “of service” is a critical component to happiness. If you feel stuck and unfulfilled it may be because you are not growing. We need to grow in order to be happy. When we utilize our natural gifts, talents and skills, we give way to growing. It does not matter if you your act is small. It does not matter that your act has seemingly no impact. What does matter is that you develop the mind set of a Global Citizen and be of service to something on this planet that is not singularly about you.

4) Ask yourself this: “do my actions make me a better Global Citizen, bit by bit each day?” Whether its parenting, stopping to pick up garbage on the street, or joining an organization or group. Do you take an action each day or even each week that helps you to be informed, interested and moving in a forward motion?

Being happy actually makes you a better Global Citizen. True happiness is good for the planet. At the core of happiness are components that need to be interconnected. The interconnectedness of we the people of the planet is a simple truth. We can choose to connect by coming together as one people, Global Citizens, or we can carry on in the old ways that keep us disconnected. I know I feel happier when I feel as though I have made a contribution.  Therefore, I choose daily to think globally and act locally. So can you.

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”  Mother Teresa

]]> http://www.constructinglifecoaching.com/being-a-global-citizen-is-my-key-to-happiness/feed/ 0 http://www.constructinglifecoaching.com/love-is-in-the-air/ http://www.constructinglifecoaching.com/love-is-in-the-air/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:02:27 +0000 Life Coach Beth http://www.constructinglifecoaching.com/?p=1566 Happy Valentine’s Day! Everyone has love on the brain this week. Who are you loving this Valentine’s Day?

For many, V-Day is another holiday to wince and cringe at. No love life going on, therefore no loving going on. In my opinion this is one of the biggest traps of fear going.  As cliché as it may sound there is some very serious truth to that old adage “you got to love yourself first”. For those of you who struggle with this idea, here are some tips to get you thinking about love in a new way this February 14.

Love Yourself First Tips:

Let Go. Keep that voice in your head in check. Notice your internal dialogue and let negative thoughts go. Negative thoughts do not serve you. Notice them, and let them go. This is a life-long practice with love.

Offer it to yourself first. Practice small acts of love towards yourself everyday. Splurge on the avocado, make yourself a foot bath, snuggle with the cat.

Validate that you are loving. Notice the acts of love that you do perform every day. If they are hard to find, then I urge you to dig deeper into the tip above.

Enjoy the love of others. Notice when you are with people that seem to love easily. Spend more time with these people. Allow them to demonstrate to you the small ways that they are being loving. Model these things for yourself.

Love starts & ends with you. It is a circle that never ends. If you are stuck and feeling no love this Valentine’s Day, please take action with some of these tips. You are SO worth loving.

To me, Life Coaching is the answer to “so now what?”  It’s a tool to help with that feeling of being stuck and unable to live within the confines of whatever is making you feel that way.  Many people have tried traditional counseling and therapy, and from that feel they have an understanding of what’s “wrong” with them or where their “issues” came from. Understanding this is important of course, but it’s only 1 piece of the puzzle. That understanding does not mean you have a solution. Many people may have some awareness, but are still unable to release themselves from the patterns that got them stuck in the first place. The longer you feel ‘stuck’, the bigger the challenge it is to get unstuck. When you are stuck, everything else around you seems to get sucked down into the muck too, and the fear of being unable to get all systems firing again paralyses people even further. Time goes by and the status quo remains.

A Life Coach helps you identify the pieces you need to get moving again in order to get unstuck.  A really good friend can help you do that, and you may in fact be really clear about what those pieces are. But life coaching takes things further. Together you and your coach will go the extra mile to gain perspective on what those individual pieces mean, and clarify what, out of all of those pieces, are your real priorities. A life coach listens to what you are REALLY saying, and helps you take actions that support what you say vs. contradict it. Saying and Doing are not the same thing.

The other key thing life coaching can do is help you become accountable to the things you say are your priorities. We still don’t stop there…and this is my favourite part…while you are out in the world doing the things you say you want to be doing, your coach will help you pay attention to yourself and really bear witness to what’s happening. It is at this point that you will really experience the power of working with an expert Life Coach – the personal understanding of how you trip yourself up. Working with a coach, enlightens you to the subtle and insidious ways that fear can get in the way of what you really want.

Life Coaching is for you when you decide are ready to dip your toe into a different perspective. It is work, but I firmly believe the energy it takes is no different than that energy you put into being stuck. Wherever you are right now, is the perfect place to start.

Fearless Living is about embracing your human potential. Certified Fearless Living coaches are at the top of the rapidly expanding Life Coach industry. They have been through an intensive 18 month training program and not only coach Fearless Living, they live it.

I have been a certified Fearless Living coach since 2005. I have had the great pleasure of supporting hundreds of clients on their fearless living journey and would love to chat with you about how coaching may be able to help move you closer to where you want to be. Contact me today for your free, absolutely no obligation chat. What have you got to lose?

Recently, I worked with a client that reminded me of something I think is key to  making your resolutions real, and that is having the discipline to take action.

In our exchange, she gave me a new favourite word, “Blissipline”.

We were strategizing ways to embrace and practice using discipline to empower her to take action on the goals that she had for herself.  She understood that having an intention was the pathway for her to realize her dreams.  Her stumbling block however, was actually getting to it.

I understand this very well.  For some people discipline is a natural.  For others it feels like a constant struggle.  For the people who struggle with discipline, I believe it is useful to think of it as a skill.  Like any skill, you need to practice and diligently work on it.  Figuring out how to do this in your own authentic way is something a lifecoach can help you sort out.

My client shared that she thought disipline was a yucky word that she didn’t want to like.  She liked being free, disipline was a downer!  I asked her to consider another perspective and think about discipline as a great tool to handle the many pressures in life. This is particularly true for entrepreneurial personalities who can have 10 good ideas  a day and easily get distracted.  These are the people with too many things going on at once – they eventually end up overwhelmed.  When overwhelmed, you become ineffective, which leads to beating yourself up because you never accomplish anything.  This is a vicious cycle that many smart, capable people find themselves in. Eventually you may even subconsciously stop trusting yourself, and your confidence erodes.

The truth is that following your bliss takes discipline.  Bliss isn’t really about doing anything you want when you want to.  Real bliss is following your dreams, feeling accomplished, and creating and nurturing that thing which you hold dear.

Pretty hard to live your bliss with eroded confidence and a constant feeling of overwhelm.

We all have enough life experience to know that confidence increases after completing things.  Think of your top 5 most confident moments in life.  I am willing to bet that most of those five are related to finishing something. Completing that which you set out to do.  Knowing that when it comes down to it, you have the discipline to get the task at hand done.

Remember and remind yourself:

Following my bliss takes discipline.  Bliss isn’t really about doing anything I want when I want to.  Real bliss is following my dreams, feeling accomplished, and creating and nurturing the intention that I hold.

Get beyond the illusion that bliss just shows up.  Go out there and make it happen for yourself.  Use discipline as your means of getting it. Embrace discipline, and true bliss can be yours.

COACH TIP: How are you willing to embrace being more disciplined?  Here are three techniques that I recommend using daily to keep yourself on track, on course, and committed to your  intention.

1)If your current to do list, (either written, or being carried around in your head) is longer than 12 things, get a pad of paper and write down the three most important tasks you can complete today.  These will be more minor tasks, or parts of larger projects that you can tackle and complete in one day.  If you are working on a big project, break it down into tasks, and focus on 3 things in a day.

2)Tell a family member or friend what you are working on. Saying something out loud helps you to become more accountable to it.

3)Ask yourself… “if not now, when?”. Get clear about when you can do something, and schedule it in.  Putting things off with out getting clear of of when you will get back to it, is a trick of procrastination.

You did it! You made it through Christmas! Welcome to the other side! 2012 has arrived!

There is a lot of chatter going on right now about New Year’s Resolutions. Everything from resolving to spend more time with your kids, to shedding 40lbs, to saving your finances by buying an RRSP before the deadline! TV right now is all about buying fitness equipment and boxes of cleansing herbs and potions, and to do away with all our old habits.

 Yep, here we go, hurling ourselves into yet another year!

If you really want your new year to be about a new you, why not try something a little different this year? Decide that this year is actually going to be different because you are going to ease into the new year. What if this year, you started the year out by being kind? Kind to the person that means the most to you – yourself.

Generally I know that I am going to get better results if I treat myself with the utmost kindness. So, when thinking about the new year I am going to take time to truly reflect and get clear about what I want this next precious year of my life to be about.

Knowing exactly what I want on the stroke of midnight seems like a set up to me. I have been busy enjoying the fullness that is the month of December. I haven’t had the time to reflect on how my year has ended. That is what I think January is for. Time, space and quiet to reflect.

Hurling yourself into the new year with a list of terms and conditions that you are going to suddenly abide by sets you up for certain failure, let down and disappointment. All or nothing, cold turkey doesn’t usually work. That’s not to say that it CAN’T work, some people are really good goal setters and achievers. But, for the rest of us, all or nothing often doesn’t work.

Ease your way into 2012, by taking some time this month to consider your goals in the broader context of your life. Remember every year in December that feeling of “where has the year gone?!” Years go by quick. Think about your goals in the broader context of life and use that as a way to create intentions for the year ahead. Intentional living creates way more results then throwing sweeping declarations out that create expectations that end up setting us up to feel negatively about ourselves.

Intentional living gives you the guide to live by when the inevitable ups and down of life happen. You can decide how to measure your response to most things, and this helps you to be consistent. Consistency and commitment are key. Taking the time to get this part right is crucial in making your resolutions real this year.

Slow and steady does win the race!

If you would like to ease on down the road with me this 2012, I invite you join me at my Beyond Goals workshop on January 11. If you are not in the Kelowna area I welcome your comments and thoughts, questions and challenges!  I am looking forward to constructing an amazing year with you. 

Thanks for reading!