Happy Valentine’s Day!

For many, V-Day is another holiday to wince and cringe at. No love life going on, therefore no loving going on. In my opinion this is one of the biggest traps of fear going.  As cliché as it may sound there is some very serious truth to that old adage “you got to love yourself first”. For those of you who struggle with this idea, here are some tips to get you thinking about love in a new way this February 14.

Love Yourself First Tips:

Let Go. Keep that voice in your head in check. Notice your internal dialogue and let negative thoughts go. Negative thoughts do not serve you. Notice them, and let them go. This is a life-long practice with love.

Offer it to yourself first. Practice small acts of love towards yourself everyday. Splurge on the avocado, make yourself a foot bath, snuggle with the cat.

Validate that you are loving. Notice the acts of love that you do perform every day. If they are hard to find, then I urge you to dig deeper into the tip above.

Enjoy the love of others. Notice when you are with people that seem to love easily. Spend more time with these people. Allow them to demonstrate to you the small ways that they are being loving. Model these things for yourself.

Love starts & ends with you. It is a circle that never ends. If you are stuck and feeling no love this Valentine’s Day, please take action with some of these tips. You are SO worth loving.

To me, Life Coaching is the answer to “so now what?”  It’s a tool to help with that feeling of being stuck and unable to live within the confines of whatever is making you feel that way.  Many people have tried traditional counseling and therapy, and from that feel they have an understanding of what’s “wrong” with them or where their “issues” came from. Understanding this is important of course, but it’s only 1 piece of the puzzle. That understanding does not mean you have a solution. Many people may have some awareness, but are still unable to release themselves from the patterns that got them stuck in the first place. The longer you feel ‘stuck’, the bigger the challenge it is to get unstuck. When you are stuck, everything else around you seems to get sucked down into the muck too, and the fear of being unable to get all systems firing again paralyses people even further. Time goes by and the status quo remains.

A Life Coach helps you identify the pieces you need to get moving again in order to get unstuck.  A really good friend can help you do that, and you may in fact be really clear about what those pieces are. But life coaching takes things further. Together you and your coach will go the extra mile to gain perspective on what those individual pieces mean, and clarify what, out of all of those pieces, are your real priorities. A life coach listens to what you are REALLY saying, and helps you take actions that support what you say vs. contradict it. Saying and Doing are not the same thing.

The other key thing life coaching can do is help you become accountable to the things you say are your priorities. We still don’t stop there…and this is my favourite part…while you are out in the world doing the things you say you want to be doing, your coach will help you pay attention to yourself and really bear witness to what’s happening. It is at this point that you will really experience the power of working with an expert Life Coach – the personal understanding of how you trip yourself up. Working with a coach, enlightens you to the subtle and insidious ways that fear can get in the way of what you really want.

Life Coaching is for you when you decide are ready to dip your toe into a different perspective. It is work, but I firmly believe the energy it takes is no different than that energy you put into being stuck. Wherever you are right now, is the perfect place to start.

Fearless Living is about embracing your human potential. Certified Fearless Living coaches are at the top of the rapidly expanding Life Coach industry. They have been through an intensive 18 month training program and not only coach Fearless Living, they live it.

I have been a certified Fearless Living coach since 2005. I have had the great pleasure of supporting hundreds of clients on their fearless living journey and would love to chat with you about how coaching may be able to help move you closer to where you want to be. Contact me today for your free, absolutely no obligation chat. What have you got to lose?

Recently, I worked with a client that reminded me of something I think is key to  making your resolutions real, and that is having the discipline to take action.

In our exchange, she gave me a new favourite word, “Blissipline”.

We were strategizing ways to embrace and practice using discipline to empower her to take action on the goals that she had for herself.  She understood that having an intention was the pathway for her to realize her dreams.  Her stumbling block however, was actually getting to it.

I understand this very well.  For some people discipline is a natural.  For others it feels like a constant struggle.  For the people who struggle with discipline, I believe it is useful to think of it as a skill.  Like any skill, you need to practice and diligently work on it.  Figuring out how to do this in your own authentic way is something a lifecoach can help you sort out.

My client shared that she thought disipline was a yucky word that she didn’t want to like.  She liked being free, disipline was a downer!  I asked her to consider another perspective and think about discipline as a great tool to handle the many pressures in life. This is particularly true for entrepreneurial personalities who can have 10 good ideas  a day and easily get distracted.  These are the people with too many things going on at once – they eventually end up overwhelmed.  When overwhelmed, you become ineffective, which leads to beating yourself up because you never accomplish anything.  This is a vicious cycle that many smart, capable people find themselves in. Eventually you may even subconsciously stop trusting yourself, and your confidence erodes.

The truth is that following your bliss takes discipline.  Bliss isn’t really about doing anything you want when you want to.  Real bliss is following your dreams, feeling accomplished, and creating and nurturing that thing which you hold dear.

Pretty hard to live your bliss with eroded confidence and a constant feeling of overwhelm.

We all have enough life experience to know that confidence increases after completing things.  Think of your top 5 most confident moments in life.  I am willing to bet that most of those five are related to finishing something. Completing that which you set out to do.  Knowing that when it comes down to it, you have the discipline to get the task at hand done.

Remember and remind yourself:

Following my bliss takes discipline.  Bliss isn’t really about doing anything I want when I want to.  Real bliss is following my dreams, feeling accomplished, and creating and nurturing the intention that I hold.

Get beyond the illusion that bliss just shows up.  Go out there and make it happen for yourself.  Use discipline as your means of getting it. Embrace discipline, and true bliss can be yours.

COACH TIP: How are you willing to embrace being more disciplined?  Here are three techniques that I recommend using daily to keep yourself on track, on course, and committed to your  intention.

1)If your current to do list, (either written, or being carried around in your head) is longer than 12 things, get a pad of paper and write down the three most important tasks you can complete today.  These will be more minor tasks, or parts of larger projects that you can tackle and complete in one day.  If you are working on a big project, break it down into tasks, and focus on 3 things in a day.

2)Tell a family member or friend what you are working on. Saying something out loud helps you to become more accountable to it.

3)Ask yourself… “if not now, when?”. Get clear about when you can do something, and schedule it in.  Putting things off with out getting clear of of when you will get back to it, is a trick of procrastination.

You did it! You made it through Christmas! Welcome to the other side! 2012 has arrived!

There is a lot of chatter going on right now about New Year’s Resolutions. Everything from resolving to spend more time with your kids, to shedding 40lbs, to saving your finances by buying an RRSP before the deadline! TV right now is all about buying fitness equipment and boxes of cleansing herbs and potions, and to do away with all our old habits.

 Yep, here we go, hurling ourselves into yet another year!

If you really want your new year to be about a new you, why not try something a little different this year? Decide that this year is actually going to be different because you are going to ease into the new year. What if this year, you started the year out by being kind? Kind to the person that means the most to you – yourself.

Generally I know that I am going to get better results if I treat myself with the utmost kindness. So, when thinking about the new year I am going to take time to truly reflect and get clear about what I want this next precious year of my life to be about.

Knowing exactly what I want on the stroke of midnight seems like a set up to me. I have been busy enjoying the fullness that is the month of December. I haven’t had the time to reflect on how my year has ended. That is what I think January is for. Time, space and quiet to reflect.

Hurling yourself into the new year with a list of terms and conditions that you are going to suddenly abide by sets you up for certain failure, let down and disappointment. All or nothing, cold turkey doesn’t usually work. That’s not to say that it CAN’T work, some people are really good goal setters and achievers. But, for the rest of us, all or nothing often doesn’t work.

Ease your way into 2012, by taking some time this month to consider your goals in the broader context of your life. Remember every year in December that feeling of “where has the year gone?!” Years go by quick. Think about your goals in the broader context of life and use that as a way to create intentions for the year ahead. Intentional living creates way more results then throwing sweeping declarations out that create expectations that end up setting us up to feel negatively about ourselves.

Intentional living gives you the guide to live by when the inevitable ups and down of life happen. You can decide how to measure your response to most things, and this helps you to be consistent. Consistency and commitment are key. Taking the time to get this part right is crucial in making your resolutions real this year.

Slow and steady does win the race!

If you would like to ease on down the road with me this 2012, I invite you join me at my Beyond Goals workshop on January 11. If you are not in the Kelowna area I welcome your comments and thoughts, questions and challenges!  I am looking forward to constructing an amazing year with you. 

Thanks for reading!

The truth is Christmas is HARD for many people. What I have learned in my six years as a Life Coach is just how much of a challenge this time of year is for so many people. Some clients get caught up in the stress of the season(financial stress & in-laws) and others have much deeper wounds from Christmas’s of the past. Did you know that there is a higher rate of suicide in December then any other time of the year? It is astounding to me how many people I work have been impacted by suicide and the effect of that event on the Holiday Season.

In general the response to these things is to shut down, turn inward and spend Christmas alone. My feeling about this is simple…No wonder Christmas is hard! If you read my last blog post, you would have noted that I identified what I believe is the number one truth about Christmas…it comes along EVERY SINGLE year. Why not work on ways to face this “wonderful” time of year head on, instead of the work and emotional toll it takes to avoid it.

Avoiding the festive season means refusing to face whatever it is that troubles you most this time of year. Resistance means you don’t give yourself the opportunity to let go of the baggage from the past. When you carry that around you don’t give yourself the ultimate gift – the gift of starting anew.

It is not true that a Merry Christmas is just for some people. Christmas is here for everyone to embrace and enjoy. Be willing to take 3 small steps this year that will set you up for years to come:

Step #1
Make your I HATE Christmas list. Sit down with a blank page and write down all of the things that you hate about Christmas. Even if it seems petty and trivial write down all the things you hate about this time of year – spending too much money, overindulging, being alone, happy people on the street, fake festive carolers at the mall, missing your Dad, having to spend time with your Mom etc. etc. Push yourself to make a BIG list – don’t let yourself off the hook until you have 20 or more niggling things that you hate about Christmas.

Now that you have the big list, give yourself the gift of humour. Pick 5-8 things that are actually kind of funny when you think about it. Being able to laugh at the resistance that has built up over the years is a really good step in the direction of letting go and moving on. You might not immediately feel like laughing at the things on your list, but urge yourself to do so. Seeing how you have built up a wall against things like “stupid elves” can actually be kind of funny when you stop and think about it.

Step #2
Look at the list you’ve created and identify 3 things that no matter what are always going to be a challenge, for example facing the holidays without Dad. Now ask yourself, what you can do for yourself to honour and support that challenge. If you can’t think of anything try asking yourself “If I had a magic wand, what would I do to improve this situation?” Resist the trap of getting caught in the past here, you can’t bring Dad back, or transform your mother in law, but what can you do today that would impact your tomorrow?

Step #3
Decide this year to work on seeing Christmas differently. Eliminate the words that keep you stuck. Things like, “I hate Christmas”, or “Christmas is hard”. Work on framing things so they feel more doable. Instead say, “Christmas is a challenge, I am working on letting festive into my life, I am willing to see all the reason that people love Christmas this year.”

There really is no time like right now to work on transforming your “I hate Christmas” attitude. As your Life Coach I cannot change events of years gone by, but I can support you as you take action this year to shift yourself into a place appreciation for the Christmas season.

Wow! What a fantastic response from my Stressless Christmas Teleclass! I heard from a lot of people who said…

“YES! I need ways to deal with my snobby sister-in law!”
“I don’t know how we are going to do it financially???”
“On top of everything else, my mom is bringing her new boyfriend to dinner!”
“Why does he think I should be the one buying the gift for HIS parents???”

I also heard a lot of…

“I would love to join your teleclass Beth, but I’m just too busy!” 

Yep. Welcome to the 2011 Stressed out Christmas!

What if I told you that no matter what you do, Christmas is going to be STRESSFUL. No matter the level of participation in this wonderful event (that comes around EVERY SINGLE YEAR) the commotion of this “festive season” impacts you in some way. Whether its traffic, grocery store chaos, line ups all around, or the hundreds of items, chores, obligations and invitations on your list. Unless you are a complete recluse with no friends or family, (in which case watch for my next blog!) Christmas makes an impact – that usually has a hand in stressing you out!

What would you do differently if you just accepted the fact that Christmas is going to be stressful no matter what? What could you do to feel less stressed, amongst all the holiday cheer?

Here are my top 3 tips for managing Christmas stress:

#1) CHRISTMAS JOURNAL
I know, I know you’re already thinking you don’t have time for this. Think long term. Start a Christmas journal this year, to help manage stress for years to come. Find a book that you can write in every year and store away with Christmas Decorations. Use the book to record some key things:

The 3 things that I honestly could have skipped getting stressed out about.
The 3 things that worked the best and that I enjoyed the most.
The 3 moments in which I felt the greatest gratitude.
Feel free to add things like:
My favourite recipe
The toy my kids actually played with and enjoyed for more than an hour
We missed out on…

Creating a journal like this is a long term stress busting solution. Let’s go back to the truth – Christmas comes every year! There is no better time to start making a long term commitment to being less stressed. Over the years this journal will serve as a powerful reminder (and memento) of your commitment to being free and happy.

#2) DECIDE NOT TO…
Decide and commit to doing a little less. Make yourself a “brain dump” list. Sit with a blank page and start writing down every little thing floating around in your mind on your mental to do list. Push yourself for five minutes and get as many of those things down as possible. Make a big list, 20 things or more. Items can be totally random and unrelated. The point is to get all of those secret, niggly things down on paper.

When you have done that, dare yourself to scratch 5 -10 things off of your list. Doing this helps you have a moment of clarity on how you are going to tackle this stressful time of year. Look for things on the list that relate to some of your main areas of concern – family, finances, over-committing.  How many of those items require special care and how many can you just cross off and decide not to do?

#3) ASK YOURSELF…“Am I stressed or am I excited?”
These two emotions have a similar physiological impact on our body – heightened sensitivity to everything around us. Sometimes we get so used to being stressed out, that we miss out on the excitement. We run around like maniacs at Christmas because we get some kind of payoff from it – whether it is saving face by showing up with gifts, perfect Christmas mornings, or the bliss of having it all over with. So why not decide that when the stressed out feeling shows up you are going to embrace the excitement of it all. Enjoy. Be present.

The amount of stress that you allow into your life this holiday season is ultimately up to you. Know that it is what it is and choose to do or see it a little bit differently this year.

Please note new DATE!

Join me Wednesday January 11 for a powerful & timely discussion on how to go Beyond Goal Setting.

Beyond ordinary goal setting is about manifesting your desires by harnessing the power of intention.  Intention is one of the easiest techniques to implement and one of the most powerful ways to keep you focused and moving toward your goals.

In this workshop you will create your personal plan of action for the new year! I will share insights into the insidious ways that fear gets in the way of achieving your goals. Discover how to set meaningful goals that will help you Construct the Life you want in 2012.  And the best part?  This workshop is FREE!

Wednesday January 11 at 6PM – 7:30 PM
LifeWorks Family Chiropractic

#204 1740 Gordon Dr., Kelowna (Next to DairyQueen)

*Pre-Register for “Beyond Goals” with Beth at Beth@constructinglifecoaching.com or 250-765-2637.  Or in person at LifeWorks Family Chiropractic

“When X happens, then I will _________.”

“When I get that thing…..the raise, the new kitchen, the baby to sleep through the night….then I will be happy, satisfied, start eating better, talk to my spouse, etc. etc.”

We wait. Stuck. Doing the same thing over and over longing for the time when….

Or sometimes we think…

“That is it! This is what I am going to do! I am going to go to the other side of the fence! I don’t like this side anymore! I am going over there!”

And then we strive ahead, moving boldly towards that thing, only to arrive and find out that we aren’t actually any happier. That “thing” didn’t fulfill us the way we thought it would.

These behaviours are very common. These are the behaviours that keep us stuck.

This reminds me of the saying…”Where ever you go, there you are.”

The trouble with being caught up in the “grass is greener” way of living is that you avoid working on being present to what IS. Right here, in this moment.

Why would someone want to avoid being present? Because for some, being present means having to face what is going on right now. Facing it means you might have to feel it, or take responsibility, or change. We become afraid that the work required will be way too much to handle. We get exhausted, run down, and things start to slide. When this happens we start to look outside of ourselves and compare ourselves to others. That’s when the grass starts looking greener….if only…..

Here is what I know about the grass. When you get there, the grass is still green. Seriously, still green grass. You will still have challenges and obstacles to face. Life still happens. And when we do not accept this, and work on embracing what is, we keep up the mad search for new pastures. Constantly discovering new pastures isn’t as ‘fun’ as it may sound. It’s an attempt to find something… to fill the hole.

Every day I help people figure out how to fill that hole. To make the lasting changes they know they need. To find ways to face what they are
avoiding, and create new habits that actually work for them, not against them.

“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust

The grass really can be beautiful, no matter where you happen to find a patch – give me a call and let me show you how.

Knowing how to handle criticism is a skill.  How do you handle it?

Do you:
React, challenge,blame, justify, deny, accuse, hide, freeze?

Do you:
Ask for clarity, step up to the plate, brainstorm solutions, and take responsibility?

If you know that your tendency is to do the first set of actions, then I congratulate you. Being aware that you don’t handle negative feedback very well is a critical first step to mastering what really is just a fear response.

Fear responses can be identified as your knee jerk reaction to certain situations. It is that tendency that you rely on to protect you when something feels too big to handle. Yes, fear responses may actually be running your life more than YOU are.

This is where I can offer you some very valuable assistance in breaking the habitual patterns that keep you feeling stuck and unfulfilled. Working with me as your personal Life Coach creates the opportunity to really investigate what your knee jerk reactions are, so that you can identify new ways of being. In other words, think about how it is that you really want to be when you are with someone challenging to you. What qualities do you wish you could pull out and bring to the table with you?  When we get down to the work of defining those qualities, that are personal and unique to you, you WILL start to make real and lasting changes in your life.

Here are some questions to get you started the next time someone comes to you with “feedback”….

Ask:
Am I making this personal when it really isn’t?

What would being “right” about this give me?

What, from all the feedback I received, am I willing to own. What am I willing to let go of?

What do I need now?

Questions such as these help you move through the situation. The next time you find yourself stuck, remember to work on finding the perspective that you need to get you moving again. The more skilled you become at this, the less chance you have of getting seriously stuck in the rut that leaves you unhappy and erodes your confidence. Choose to do the work every day – no matter what criticism comes your way.

I am thrilled by the opportunity to present at the upcoming momcafe event in Kelowna on October 28, 2011. Imagine a room full of moms all interested in becoming more of whomever it is they want to be. Those are my kind of people!

My session is called “Hey Hot Mama”, which is all about how to bring the hottie to your exhausted, overworked and sometimes overwhelmed, life as a mother.  I am going to talk about the importance of connecting to your inner hottie, and provide five 5 strategies to help you make it happen.

If you’re a mom in Canada and you haven’t heard of  momcafe, listen up! momcafe is a all about connecting and inspiring women by offering fresh perspectives.  The organization brings moms together in cities across the country through meetings, seminars and internet-based communication tools, and offers positive and inspiring role models to speak to them.

I took the opportunity recently to be coached by one of the CEO’s of momcafe, Tasha Richard ( I learned early on in my career as a coach that a really great coach gets coached!) and she was incredible. It’s amazing what 45 minutes and some fresh perspective can offer – I took away two key things I’m already applying to my business practices!

That is what I am interested in achieving for you on October 28. I want to share my perspective and offer a few tools to get you moving in the direction of your dreams. One of my mentors once said to me, “Wherever you are is the perfect place to start.”  I invite you to join me and get that something fresh for you!  I hope it gets you HOT!

Click here to register NOW for this event!