09 May 2012

Knowing when to say good-bye

No Comments Decision Making, Fearless Living, Free Life Coaching Tips, Love

Follow Your HeartA client of mine who is single and dating recently took a big step and broke off a relationship that on the surface looked all good. She had a nagging feeling that things just were not right – something felt off. She used this three step process to decide whether it was her true self making her feel this way, or her inner voice of fear trying to influence her decision.

Use this three step process to help you check in with your boundaries and get clear about when to say, enough is enough.

Step One:
How do I feel when I am with this person?

If words like free, myself, happy, natural, come up, then you are on the right track. If instead you feel on edge, responsible, uneasy, tense, or on guard pay attention to this. If you can honestly say that your thoughts & feelings are definitely more from the second list, be willing to look at this closer. Be willing to notice these feelings without reacting to them. This means you don’t have to immediately act on them. Instead you get to choose to reflect on them, and then decide how you want to act. Taking the time to pay attention to how you feel when around another person is an essential step in creating intimacy.

Quiet Reflection: 

Ask yourself what is my intuition telling me to do? Intuition is that quiet knowing voice.  The voice that snaps answers at you or tells you that you are stupid, weak, crazy, or too sensitive is not your quiet knowing voice – that is your voice of fear. Your true voice gives you gentle nudges. Take the time to stop and quietly reflect, what is my intuition telling me?

Step Two:
Know what you are committed to.

What kind people do you actively want to bring into your life? Create your own personal list of attributes that you seek in others. Know and be clear about what you actually stand for. If you have been doing the work that comes with my blog, your sense of what your most important priorities are, are becoming clearer to you. Use this good work you have been doing to help yourself really understand what you’re committed to. What is your intention? Ask yourself if you see this person supporting that with you.

Step Three:
Ask for what you want.

When you are clear on what you are looking for, your next step is to ask for support. The truth is that the really good stuff in life does require work. In fact, the work you put in is actually what makes it worthwhile. When you are able to ask for what you want, people are more able to support that. It eliminates the game playing, guessing, and expectations that get in the way of what could be potential relationships. Fear runs many relationships. Instead, be clear and ask for the support that you know you need. It will become clearer then whether this is a person that you want to continue seeing or if it is time for you to say good-bye. It takes courage to leave a budding relationship and strike out on your own again. Let your commitments to yourself be your guide. Your commitment to yourself is always the right path.  

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Beth supports people in finding solutions to everyday problems!
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