15 May 2013

Change is a Process, Not an Event

No Comments Be More, Decision Making, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation

changeA classic trap of fear is to innately believe that you are fundamentally flawed and won’t ever get “there.” There are things we long for like, “to be comfortable in my own skin” or “that I will like myself” or that “I won’t be lonely anymore.” Thoughts like this damage your ability to continue on your path with the conviction that is required to actually make changes in your life.

Drop the lie that you can ever really “arrive.” Anything worth having in life requires conviction, work, and then maintenance. When you embrace that life is a process you are  then better able to help yourself shift to the mindset of adjusting and carrying on when things get tough. When you drop the belief that you are innately flawed you are allowed to take responsibility for yourself. There isn’t some big hidden mystery of why you are so screwed up! You are believing a fear based lie that keeps you stuck. Stop the trigger that leads to erosion of your sense of worth that is vital to make the lasting changes that you seek. Embrace the process, I guarantee you that you will like the results.

04 May 2013

Intention + Conviction = Results

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Decision Making, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching

If you want something claim it in your gut.

Claim it with conviction – the unwavering knowing that you are on the right course. Conviction is what allows you to stay true to your path, it is the inner knowing that hard work will pay off. If, at first, the results are not obvious, conviction is the tool that you can use to keep yourself going. Most of life is doing the working part in order to arrive at the getting results part. In our immediate gratification world we are trained to believe that instantaneous is better. In real life when that doesn’t happen, many of us get trapped in fears and doubts that end up knocking us off the path.   With conviction you can decide to commit to the most important parts of your dream or goal. Having clarity on your intention helps you stick to it. Intention with conviction is unstoppable.

What can you do today to claim something you want with intention and conviction?

24 Apr 2013

Is Text Messaging Ruining Your Life?

No Comments Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Relationships

I have lost count of how many clients I have had that had full blown conflict in their lives because of text messaging. Technology is an amazing accomplishment that has made our world smaller and smaller because of how we can stay connected. Ironically, it is also one of the leading causes of disconnection, miscommunication, and most of all, hurt feelings.

Here are my top six rules for text messaging. Follow them and cut down on the drama in your life.

Rule  #1 – Use text messaging to inform. Texts are meant to be short and sweet relays of information. “I am waiting outside”, “I’ll be 15 minutes late.” Be conscious of what you are sharing in texts. If you are trying to relay important information that actually has meaning in your life, a text is not the way to adequately do it.

Rule #2 – Remember, texting isn’t really communicating. How many times have you been sucked into a long drawn out texting conversation? If you are exchanging more than 10 texts to inform someone of what’s up – stop. Pick up the phone. I laugh when people say, “…and we spent all night texting.” If that is your basis for knowing someone, I urge you to dig a little deeper.

Rule #3 – Resist the urge. If you are upset or angry, do not text. This is the same rule as don’t hit send on your email when you are fuming. Do you really think you are going to get a resolution to your issue from a text? Are your feelings so worthless that you are going to use little characters on a screen relay them for you? Resist the urge to send that text. Stop, breathe, dial a number, or make a date to talk face to face. Be a grown up.  Grown ups understand self-regulation. Resist the urge to send that text.

Rule #4 – Clarify. In face to face conversations we use tone of voice accompanied by facial expressions to aid in delivering the meaning of the words we are speaking. While texting, neither of these are there. All we see is words. Someone might send you a text that would be funny when told in person, but without the tone of voice or facial expressions comes across as hurtful. When receiving a text, don’t jump to conclusions – clarify what the person meant before making assumptions. Assumptions get us into trouble. When sending a text, make sure that it will deliver a clear message so that it isn’t misinterpreted. Click here to read “Instead of Fueling the Flames.”

Rule #5 – Use technology for good. Do use texts to relay love messages. Make a conscious choice to turn texting into a tool to keep you connected by sending messages of love and appreciation for the people in your life. Like anything in life, you can actively choose to make it work for you. Go ahead and drop love bombs on people. Love is a powerful thing, and a little can go a long way. Choose to make texting work for you, choose to make it good.

Rule #6 – Respect your relationships. If you are so attached to your device that you are interrupting conversations with real people to talk to other people, you are not respecting your relationships. If you break bad news, relay hurt feelings, or drop bombs in text messages are you being respectful or are you a drama junkie? The instantaneous sharing of information is very seductive. Drop the drama and choose to deploy Rule #5 and use it for good.

Decide to stop using convenience of the messenger and pay attention to what you are really using your device for. Choose to do the work of real communication rather than falling down the slippery slope of living in a hand held world. It is great to reach out and say hello. Choose to keep it simple and drop the bad habits that inevitably bite back.