01 Sep 2013

September Bubble

No Comments Building Confidence, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Goal Setting, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation, New Year

autumn_leavesSeptember has many expectations around it. As the end of summer approaches, many of us start putting things into the Back to School Bubble. When September comes I will eat healthier, go back to the gym, spend less, put the kids to bed on time, get back into the routine. September is a perfect bubble to send all of our promises of what we really want.  We fool ourselves into believing that when September comes we will be able to do it all.  That is the promise that September brings.

And in September that actually does happen – sort of. The kids do actually get back into a routine, and you do put them to bed at a good hour and you drag your butt back to the gym. And yet, there is still a lack of satisfaction. Before long we start to complain about the routine again, slip back into the same patterns, and create the new bubble called “in the New Year.”

Burst the September Bubble by getting clear. Name three things that you want to be able to say that you nailed by the end of September.

What is in your September Bubble?

ie. Eating healthier, getting more rest, spending less money.

Now ask yourself:

What does that actually mean?  List three actions that would lend themselves to these steps.

Eating Healthier

Meal Planning

Chopping Vegetables Sunday Night

Cutting out junk food

Getting More Rest

Going to bed at same time each night

Establishing a night-time routine

Writing in journal in quiet before lights out

Spending Less Money

Pay Bills on time

Live on Cash

Pack a lunch

Now that you see the items written down, it is actually a daunting list. This is exactly the trap. When we put stuff off into a bubble we assume that we are going to know how to do all that stuff when we get there. And we won’t.

Instead, sit back and look at the list again. Out of all of that, what actually seems reasonable and doable? What is jumping out for me is that two of the items on the list are interconnected. If I meal planned, I would pack a lunch thus enabling me to spend less, and eat healthier. Heck, if I did that, I might sleep better too!

These actions become doable when we get clear and connected to what we are doing.  Burst the September bubble by breaking up the sweeping declarations that you say around the summer time campfire. Get out a pen and break it down. The work always works. This September commit to sitting yourself down and getting clear about what’s in your bubble.

05 Jul 2013

Full Steam Ahead into the Business of Shifting!

No Comments Be More, Building Confidence, Decision Making, Do More, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Goal Setting, Life Coaching, Motivation

I am taking a big leap this July. I will be flying totally solo into the horizon with my coaching services and saying good-bye to my wonderful colleagues at Junior Achievement of BC, the not for profit group that I have worked with since 2004. Time for this coach to take a leap!

It hasn’t really been a leap though. It has been more like a really slow descent into a new territory. The falling isn’t really the scary part; the fear is about what is going to happen when I get there. As I get closer to hitting the ground, I don’t actually feel like running.  There are so many directions to take. If I put on my coaching hat, I know that the first step is to get clear, and usually the best way to do that is stop. Stopping however is totally counter intuitive. Fear is telling me to run, to do something, anything…and to make it quick. Experience and awareness is telling me to pause. I have to get quiet and listen for that quieter whisper that is leading me to where I want to be. In the mean time, I need to stick with my conviction.

Conviction is remembering what you know for sure. I know for sure that I am choosing to say good-bye to the best professional experience of my career by leaving JA. I also know that it is time to go. I worked really hard to be at the place where I can say good-bye and feel good about it, hence, the slow descent. For the past 7 years I have slowly built my coaching practice by putting in the time where it matters most to me, and this is with clients.

What I know for sure is that when I “land” and am on my own in new territory I will get to work with even more people in a way that makes me come alive and that is as Coach Beth. In my coaching space, I put on a hat that transforms me into my best self. As a regular person in the world with responsibilities and a family, I have times of struggle just like everyone else. But as Coach Beth, I get to lay that aside. My role becomes the one that sees the brilliance that is inside of everyone. Nothing is cooler than supporting people to light that up. I have my dream job.

So now is the time! No matter what new directions I decide to take, I know for sure that individual one on one coaching is where it is at for me. I love it.

My humble request is to send me some love over the next couple of months! As I land into this new territory, I know that the love and support of the people that I reach with my blog, newsletter, website and social media accounts will be the fuel that keeps me going.  I am cringing writing this paragraph. It is a risk to ask for help! But I am going to be true and do what I know is right. Please send me some love this summer!

Send me your referrals of people you know who could be doing so much better than they are. Tell your friends that are trudging through one horrible life experience to another to try coaching with Beth.  It really does work.

Those that have worked with me, send me your testimonials of where you are now. All of my clients know, but it bears repeating that I LOVE to hear from you. Drop me a line.

For the rest of you reading, LIKE and share my social media stuff! We all know that is where it is at these days! If you haven’t already you can find me on Facebook by searching Beth Veenkamp- Constructing Life Coaching, and on Twitter at @BethVeenkamp.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more! Your support is so valued, and I am so grateful to have you as part of my journey.

15 May 2013

Change is a Process, Not an Event

No Comments Be More, Decision Making, Empowerment, Fearless Living, Life Coaching, Live your best Life, Motivation

changeA classic trap of fear is to innately believe that you are fundamentally flawed and won’t ever get “there.” There are things we long for like, “to be comfortable in my own skin” or “that I will like myself” or that “I won’t be lonely anymore.” Thoughts like this damage your ability to continue on your path with the conviction that is required to actually make changes in your life.

Drop the lie that you can ever really “arrive.” Anything worth having in life requires conviction, work, and then maintenance. When you embrace that life is a process you are  then better able to help yourself shift to the mindset of adjusting and carrying on when things get tough. When you drop the belief that you are innately flawed you are allowed to take responsibility for yourself. There isn’t some big hidden mystery of why you are so screwed up! You are believing a fear based lie that keeps you stuck. Stop the trigger that leads to erosion of your sense of worth that is vital to make the lasting changes that you seek. Embrace the process, I guarantee you that you will like the results.

12 Apr 2012

Keep yourself going this Spring using Kindness

1 Comment Goal Setting, Motivation, Spring

KindnessYou may have noticed that we are already 4 months into the “New Year” and since a new season is upon us, I thought it would be timely to ask you to check back in on what your real new years resolutions have been?  At the beginning of the year, I urged you to “Ease your way into the New Year”.  Now as we enter into Spring (so naturally filled with anticipation and the hope of sunny days to come) I thought it would be to good to give you a reminder of how to re-energize your spring.  Kindness can become your ultimate motivating tool.  Many people are mistaken in believing that in order to motivate, stay on track or get things done they need strict discipline and all the hard line approaches that we associate with that.

When I think of kindness I urge myself to think of true kindness.  The caring, comforting, nurturing kindness we would treat a brand new baby with.  The type of kindness that uses intuitive hunches and works at looking at what the real underlying needs are.  Identifying the need and serving it.  That is what we do with newborns.  Can we apply that to ourselves?

Absolutely!  And we can use your goals list that you have been working with since January to get the momentum going again.

Think about your goals. Pick the top three that you really really really want to take care of.  Ask yourself, if I could reasonably do this in 60 days, would I feel really good?

For example, here are three typical goals:

  • Loose 25 lbs
  • Keep a clean house
  • Go to the gym

First of all, did you pick something that you can reasonably do in the next 60 days?  Immediately that changes the first one from 25 lbs to 8lbs.  Keep a clean house works if you are already super tidy and clean.  If that is something that you struggle with, then you need to define that goal further.  Ask, I would be really happy if I could….  Have the laundry done by Sunday night or keep the kitchen counters dish free and clean, or the floor swept every night after dinner. Watch out for sweeping declarations like “Keep a Clean House”.  How will you know when you have done enough? Will it ever be enough?  Same with “Go to the gym”, how many times do you want to go to the gym?  What days?  2 days? 7 days?  Define what “Go to the Gym” means.  So here is the more appropriate goal list.

  • Loose 8 lbs in the next 60 days.
  • Keep the kitchen counters clean and clear, sweep the floor every night after dinner, laundry picked up and in hamper & done by Sunday night
  • Go to gym 3 days a week for the next 4 weeks.

Now with respect to each of those things, ask yourself:

What would I have if I achieved this goal?

If I had that, how would I feel?

If I was feeling that way, what would I do?

If you are unable to really connect to the feeling that comes up from asking those questions, I dare say you are ill prepared to realize those goals.  That is the trap of unkind goal setting. Being unable to connect or feel what it is that you really want is a set up so that you continue to use punitive methods of self motivating.

Here is an example of how someone might talk their way through these goals using kindness as their operating system:

Loose 8 Pounds.  If I lost 8lbs I would have a feeling of satisfaction.  If I had that I would feel better about myself.  If I felt better about myself I would have more energy to loose even more weight.

Keep a clean house.  If I had a clean house I would feel more calm and sorted out.  If I had that, I would have more clarity.  If I was more clear I could accomplish more, and I would feel more at peace.

Go to the gym.  If I went to the gym 2 times this week I would feel like I accomplished something.  If I accomplished that, I would be over the hump and back in the gym.  I want to just keep getting myself back into the gym.  If I did that, I could be satisfied that I was making an effort.

If you look at the common themes of all of these answers, you can see that the feelings that are coming up are things like, satisfied, calm, clear, accomplished.  Those words evoke feelings.  When kindness is our operating system we can connect to what we really want to feel which become the basis for our intentions.

Thoughts are the basis of feelings. Feelings are really the foundation of our intentions.  If you work on kindly managing your thoughts, how you feel will naturally follow.  Where we naturally follow actually become our true intentions.

If you really want to continue creating your best year yet, I urge you to pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings and what your true intentional living pattern is.  When you are aware, you can notice when you shift off course into negative thoughts and feelings.  Choose then to kindly nudge yourself back to what you really want. Remind yourself: “what I really want is to feel satisfied, calm, clear and accomplished”, if I don’t go to the gym tonight, I won’t get to feel that.  I am going to be kind, and go get those good things for me.  I am going to the gym!

Kindness truly brings about the power to make our intentions real.